One of my beloved cats died this morning. I am not even really sure why. His name is Arthur. He was actually my mom's cat, but when she couldn't keep him anymore, I took him in. My husband wasn't real happy about it, but Arthur was a sweet kitty, just wanted to be loved and fit in well with the other cats. Last month he was bitten by a spider/s, he had three bites but aren't sure if just one spider bit him or more. He healed well from them, even with losing all his hair, but was very thin. He started eating well and his hair was growing back. Saturday, I noticed that he wasn't wanting to eat the dry food that we feed them. I thought that maybe he was having problems with his teeth or maybe swallowing it and started soaking the dry food to make it soft and mixing it with some of the moist food that we feed our 16 year old cat. He wasn't sure about it at first, but last night for the first time he really ate. He seemed fine, but when I picked him up to love on him a little before bedtime, he whimpered when I touched his abdomen. I didn't think anything about it since he had just finished eating. When I got up this morning, I found him on the floor of the bathroom (it's a morning ritual, when I go to use the bathroom in the morning, he comes and rares up on my legs for me to pick him up.), he was laying on his side with his eyes open and was breathing very shallow. He had no control of his head and could only move two of his legs. When I picked him up he cried out like it hurt, but snuggled into my arms. Then about two minutes later, he had a seizure and died.

I am at a total loss. He was fine, running around last night, not like a kitten, but as if he felt fine. He was asleep on the side of the bathtub ( his favorite place) when I went to bed. I tried to love him the best that I could, even though my husband made it clear that he didn't want him here. I feel guilty like I should have been able to do something. We couldn't afford to take him to the vet when he got bit by the spider, but our vet was kind enough to tell us what to do for Arthur over the phone. Arthur responded to everything we did, he never quit eating or drinking, until the last few days. I still feel like I should have paid more attention to him, loved on him more, done something. What did I miss?

I didn't realize exactly how much I love him until now. I walk out of my office and expect to see him come running, crying at me to pick him up. I have seven other cats to love, but I think I will always feel that I didn't do enough for Arthur.